Have you ever felt alone in a crowd or disconnected in your neighborhood, where houses stand close but people seem worlds apart? This episode peels back the layers of modern society's paradox of personal isolation in a world of hyper connectivity. Over a simple morning coffee, Joey came across an awkward social situation with some other parents when their kids interacted; despite the closeness of our homes, our money and privilege seems to be distancing us from each other. As we navigate the concrete jungles of our daily lives, do we really see the people around us? This episode uncovers the role of basic human interaction in creating not only a safer society but one that thrives emotionally. Finally, we confront the elephant in the room – social media. With its glossy veneer depicting life as a highlight reel, it's easy to get lost in the facade and forget the authenticity of messy, real-life connections. Through personal anecdotes, Joey & JT illustrate how social platforms often skew our reality, and why finding solace in genuine communal activities, like the sidelines of a children's soccer game, can offer us a lifeline.
Have you ever felt alone in a crowd or disconnected in your neighborhood, where houses stand close but people seem worlds apart? This episode peels back the layers of modern society's paradox of personal isolation in a world of hyper connectivity. Over a simple morning coffee, Joey came across an awkward social situation with some other parents when their kids interacted; despite the closeness of our homes, our money and privilege seems to be distancing us from each other. As we navigate the concrete jungles of our daily lives, do we really see the people around us? This episode uncovers the role of basic human interaction in creating not only a safer society but one that thrives emotionally. Finally, we confront the elephant in the room – social media. With its glossy veneer depicting life as a highlight reel, it's easy to get lost in the facade and forget the authenticity of messy, real-life connections. Through personal anecdotes, Joey & JT illustrate how social platforms often skew our reality, and why finding solace in genuine communal activities, like the sidelines of a children's soccer game, can offer us a lifeline.
Speaker 1:
So I'll talk you through the scenario yesterday and how this is part of a greater thing that I've been observing for years A theme, yeah, and stewing on. So I woke up hungover yesterday, which doesn't have to do with the story, but just out of interest I was hungover. I'm not often hungover on a weekend, so you feel you were less filtered as a result. Yeah, but yeah, but it didn't. Doesn't play into the tale. Okay, um, woke up. My son was up, so you know he wanted to. He wanted to, like, you know, just fucking rip into the day at like 6 am and so you know I humid him for a little bit and I was like go on, then let's go up to the shops. We'll like go and get like a, get you a baby Chino and I'll have a coffee. It'll be great. You know you can ride his bike and shit. So we went up to the cafe. My son's three right, three and a bit. You know, I'm just saying that for the listeners, sure, sure, and you know it's people walking their dogs, it's families, kids on bikes, it's all that shit. It's nice.
Speaker 1:
Went to the cafe and as you go in there's you kind of have to like squeeze past people who are sitting in chairs and and often there's kids and dogs and there's these two little girls playing and their parents are sitting right there, mom and dad. And one of the little girls goes hi, leo, to my son. You know his name's, leo, and and Leo, and Leo didn't say anything, which he often does. And I was like oh, and I'm like Leo, is this one of your friends from school, trying to kind of prompt him to like engage with her? And he didn't say anything. I'm like do you guys go to daycare together? And she said we do. And I look at his parents and his the mum's looking at me like I've got two heads. She's like why that? Like what are you? Why are you talking to my daughter? Kind of look, and she goes kid's cottage, which is the name of the place, and I'm like yeah, yeah, that's the one. And I'm like, oh cool, how are you guys doing? And no one says shit. There's a husband, he's just sitting there like I don't know, like nothing, ignoring you.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, basically, the the mother's like got this awkward kind of look, and I'm like oh, what's your name? To the little girl and she's like, oh, my name's, you know son's? Oh, cool and I'm like all right, well, you know, we go inside and order, and that was kind of that sure. And then we went and sat and then I spoke to my son and I was like mate, you know, the girl said hello to you, like you should say hi back, you know. So I said when she comes out, I'd like you just to wave and say bye, you know. And sure enough he did, and then she waved and then she runs over and gives him a cuddle, it's all you know, real cute. But the parents like didn't acknowledge me like once Even then, right after we'd had that, and I was disappointed. But I was like fuck, it's just another run on the board.
Speaker 1:
For I think it's a symptom of this modern, privileged western life where people don't have to, they don't have to be aware of their surroundings yeah, everyone's got money, you don't need the people in your community, yeah, you don't have to know your neighbor. And and so people just don't know their neighbor, they don't make eye contact, they don't say anything, and it's this awkward kind of and I say it's a western thing, because if you live in a fucking country, like if you live in central america, yeah, you fucking know your neighbors, everyone knows everyone. Yeah, like, maybe maybe up in the rich suburbs, maybe it's more like this, yeah, but generally, right, you go to brazil, it's like I know that's not central south america, but you go to, like, parts of the world where people don't have as much. Generally, people are more connected. Yeah, they're more connected, they're more human and it's like and that's actually like what we thrive on, right, like that's this human experience and I just, I always look at it and I'm like you, fucking idiots. But do you think this is? I agree with you? Right, I see it, I understand what you're saying exactly and I'm not I'm not disagreeing in any way.
Speaker 1:
I guess my question would be is this a product of being where you are? Because you are near, even if it's not your suburbs specifically, but you're near some fairly affluent suburbs, near where you are, yeah, there's people who might own a boat or there's people who might, you know, they don't, yeah, you know they don't engage. They don't necessarily engage with society or reality in a in a real way. Yeah, yeah, too much money, oh for sure, like, yeah, I think it's. I think it's definitely more of a thing when people have got more money. Yes, right, but you know, to that point I don't know. I mean, like you live, you live out west, right? Yes, um, you know it's lower on the socioeconomic scale, definitely. However, yeah, to live like in sydney, even in a lower, so you're still gonna have a lot of money, like that's like sure, it still costs more than a million bucks to live in penrith.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so does that, like I'm sure is it, would it? Is it somewhat the same out there, or do you feel like that thing that I described wouldn't happen as much? No, I think it still happens, but I'm wondering if this isn't just a product of money, if this is a product of the society we're living in now, which is a slightly more socially isolated existence, which is people think being social is like. I remember during COVID, we had a high school reunion which was online. I didn't go to it, I was actually traveling, but my best mate said, yeah, everyone was like a live Facebook event that people had to go to online and obviously it was COVID.
Speaker 1:
But what I'm saying is, I think, as a by-product of this, people working at home more often, even though it's great for family life, like you with your kids and stuff like that Technology, even though it has convenienced us, has created division, not connection. Yeah, so I, I just, I think it's modernity, I think it's technology, I think it's affluence. Yeah, you know, and I'm working class, joey was fucking rubbed the wrong fucking way, right, but I get it all the time Like I want to just hug them awkwardly, just like, hey, just be a hugger. We hug in my family and they were like I actually wanted to like are you guys fucking for real? Like are you right, cut? Like cause here's the other side of it.
Speaker 1:
Like, like here in my home, like, all right, people are like, people have a inability to talk to strangers. Yeah, right, they don't make eye contact, they don't address strangers, but at the same time, everyone's got fucking anxiety and depression, sure, and feels like shit and overwhelmed. And you're like, hmm, where's this coming from? We know that, as a fucking species, we benefit and we feel good when we're connected with those around us. Agreed, you know. And this is like and of course it's a very urban thing as well. Right, it wouldn't happen so much, maybe in rural areas, but it's like. It's like can't people see that? Like it's actually it's nice to be like hey, good morning, like how you doing. Yeah, you know that feels good. Everyone wants that. It's almost old school. Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1:
So, going back to like, I visit my parents very regularly and it's mainly old people. You know the suburb I grew up in, springwood, in the Blue Mountains. It's either retirees or young families. Interestingly enough, it's the old people, when you walk down the street, who give you the good day how's it going Top of the morning? That kind of young people don't do that. No, they do not do that. You don't.
Speaker 1:
This idea of acknowledging people, looking someone in the eye, this kind of thing, not important People on their phone, they don't give a shit, they're in their own zone. And I think that, yeah, like you're saying, it's a, a, whether it be cultural or affluence, but definitely modern culture has evolved in this way, which has separated us because we maybe don't feel we need each other and so maybe it's just selfish. There's a selfishness that's been manifested, yeah, yeah, which is which is sad in a way. Oh, it's so sad because it's like you know. I mean it's great when you have an exchange with someone and you're like yeah, like it. Just, I don't know, it's just a human thing. It makes the day nicer, you know, yeah, and here's the other side of it for me is that there's a complete disregard for personal safety, right and all right.
Speaker 1:
So one of the other things we know, like, okay, sure, like, violent attacks don't happen a lot right on the streets here, but not in australia, no, but, but does happen, right, still happens. Um, but you know, child abuse is huge. Sure, right, child abuse is huge. Um, you know, sexual abuse of women, like all that shit goes on all the time.
Speaker 1:
Sure, one of the best things you can do to just know what's going on around you and have like a finger on the pulse is know each person. You know so the eye contact. Hey, good morning man. Hey, how are you? Yeah, I've seen you here before.
Speaker 1:
Like, you know, like that is a safety measure as well, as it's a nice human thing to connect with you. It's a nice human thing to connect with you. It's like a safety measure to be like, hey, I've like, yeah, trust there. Yeah, some trust, but I'm also letting you know that I see you. Yeah, you know, for whatever, that is Right, joey's fucking watching. Yeah, like, and I and I, you know, it's like you walk past someone and they don't make eye contact, they don't look at you and they're looking down. You're like, dude, like you get robbed in a heartbeat. I could just fucking snatch your phone or like just kick you to the ground, like, and that happens all over the world, it doesn't happen here.
Speaker 1:
So now and this is the privilege side of it where it's like you can just walk around completely oblivious to your surroundings and probably never pay a price for it and probably never pay a price for it, well, maybe, yeah, I agree with you, but what I'm seeing and it's not I mean this in no mean way people crossing the road on their phone. Don't fucking do that. You're crossing the road, right. You teach a young kid think of your son. You know, look left, look right, or look right, look left, depending on where you are in the world. You know you teach kids to check before they cross the fucking road so they don't die. But you've got grown people on their phone.
Speaker 1:
You know, like I only usually wear my… Noise-canceling earphones. Yeah, I have noise-canceling earphones, but I usually only wear them if I'm in a cafe or I'm somewhere where I don't want to hear the noise. Usually, if I'm going on my morning walk, I'll just have my normal kind of earbud earphones in and I always keep a bit of a peripheral awareness. That's just really. It's not paranoia, no, but it's an appropriate amount of paranoia, learned habit. Something could happen.
Speaker 1:
I need to be able to hear an ambulance. I need to be able to hear like, yes, I need to be able to hear an ambulance. I need to be able to hear like, you know, I need to be here, someone walking behind me. I need to hear an old lady that needs help, like it's not always something sinister, it's like you need to be participating in the environment that you're in. So what do we do about this, joe, because I'm with you on this, I agree with you on this and it's I don't know.
Speaker 1:
I don't have the answer, but what do you think? Are you inviting the lovely inner circle here to start a conversation? Look someone in the eyes. Is this like a fight club? If someone doesn't make eye contact with you, I want you to fucking blindside them. Teach a lesson. Let that be a statement to the rest of the community. No, first rule of the inner circle we don't talk about the inner circle.
Speaker 1:
So I think, if you so, if you're like, oh yeah, like I think if you don't engage with people and you're one of those folks that's like, yeah, I keep to myself, don't fucking do it. Like, change that. Like change that behavior. Become comfortable with addressing strangers, smiling, nodding, you know, nodding the head. Acknowledge, yeah, like the thumb, you know whatever. You don't have to speak to them, but acknowledge. You don't have to fucking talk to everyone. You don't have to have like I'm that guy. I'll often end up having conversations all over the place, sure, and it's kind of funny, and I'm like no, you don't have to be me, but just don't be oblivious to the people around you, because I think, like you miss out on so much of life.
Speaker 1:
Like I traveled for a year and a half and I spent most of that time by myself. I hooked up with different people at different times, but a huge amount of time by myself. Right, I hooked up with different people at different times, but huge amount of time by myself. I had so many epic experiences because I was available to fucking chat with someone yeah, you're open to it Some girl that I'm sitting across from on the train in Denmark conversation. The next thing we spend a week together. I'm staying at her family's beach house, you know, or the old guy that loves smoking pipes, and have a conversation with him about why he's smoking, so romantic for him, just things. You're like that wouldn't have happened if I was afraid of talking to strangers or if I had my head down on my phone.
Speaker 1:
Yes, and so I think, like you know, whatever you're going up the road to get a coffee, you're not trying trying to have this crazy, it's not. You're not traveling in Denmark, you're not necessarily trying to have an experience, but there is something there that you're missing out on by not being involved. Yeah, and so that I that's all I want for people is just like fucking take part in, because we all get home at the end of the day and we all get stuck in a scroll hole at some point and we feel like shit. Yep, we all, we all know we spend too much time on our devices. Yeah, and there's and there's times we feel like shit. So it's like the remedy for that is do that less, but also have real something else real, actual exchanges with real people, real social engagement. Yeah, like that, that's actually fucking nourishing for your soul. Yeah, you know, even if it's like that person's a bit of a dick. I don't need to talk to them again. Never talk to them again. That's a cool story, you know, yeah, yeah, there's a lesson there. Yeah, yeah, definitely. No, I definitely agree with you and I don't want my kid no-transcript pulling away from the conversation.
Speaker 1:
I'm kind of like I lean in, I don't mind. Tell me more about you. Yeah, oh, why are you so introverted? What's that about childhood trauma? Let's hug, yeah, no, I think. What's that about childhood trauma? Let's hug? No, I think it's. It is for me.
Speaker 1:
I can take it or leave it, because sometimes I see, uh, group human behavior as ignorant, ig, ignorant. I see stupidity in crowds and I'm like, fuck, I don't want a piece of that, I don't want to. You know, like, sometimes I see like behavior at the mall and I'm like, oh, why am I here? Why am I being here? It's not because of any kind of social anxiety and it's not superiority. I just see people doing things that I think is maybe below their human potential and that makes me want to disengage a little bit.
Speaker 1:
You're talking about groups of humans, groups of humans, groups of humans, uh, and and probably example, like more consumer behavior, right, like you're wearing, um, maybe a blue cow onesie to the mall, right, and you also have an Apple watch and an Apple phone and you're buying a $15 boba tea and then you're buying kfc and then you're sitting in the food court in the mall. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing with your fucking life? This is fucking ridiculous. You're 30, 32 years old. What the fuck is this? Don't get me wrong. Everyone's free to live their life how they want, but this is really, like that's how we're choosing to live our lives, like that's a good idea. Yeah, now, like you said before, not everyone has to be you and not everyone has to be me. That wouldn't make society cool and diverse.
Speaker 1:
But the thing which I guess not a counterpoint, but my thing, if I think about me not wanting to engage is seeing behaviours that make me lose faith in humanity. Yeah, you know, in the same way, those people not engaging with you kind of act you a little. You're like, oh, it rubs you the wrong way. You're like… what's going on with these people that we obviously share a mutual thing, which is our kids go to daycare together, so that could be cool to just talk about. Even if we're not best friends, we have kids of a similar age doing a similar thing. So this could be a talking point, like, how are your kids going? You know, like that's friendly, that's nice, but yeah, man, I think the challenge for me as the person who will get into a punchline in a car park over a shopping trolley, you know, I see people walking their shopping trolley to the edge of their apartment block and leaving it there, yeah, and you see this accumulation of shopping trolleys and I'm like the fuck is wrong with this society.
Speaker 1:
There's a lack of consideration, and this in some part makes me want to not engage. Yeah, you know what I mean, because like, oh, yeah, I see this behavior and as much as I want to call it out, I also I'm like god, it's just fuck you guys. Yeah, what's what's going on, you know? So in a way, I feel like that's kind of they're kind of symptomatic of the same thing. Yeah, you know, because I think that like, the less you participate in your community, the less you care about it. So you do irresponsible. So, yeah, so like I'll put the shopping show there. Who gives a shit? Yeah, whereas you know, like it's been shown right, when you have deeper connections in your immediate community, look after, you are a more responsible contributor, yeah, participant. So you know, yeah, it's like, yeah, you head in the phone all day, you don't look up, you don't fucking speak to anyone, you're in your digital world and you're in your home and then you just kind of disrespect everything else. It's not rewarded.
Speaker 1:
I believe the society, at least the first world Western society, does not reward good community behaviour. It will penalise you for what's viewed as bad community behavior right, like whatever speeding, parking, wrong crimes. But good community engagement, like even the government doesn't put money into community anymore. You know they cut back on community spending, like PCYCs and community centers. They are grossly underfunded. You know, like who's getting the tax exemptions Woolies and Coles, so they can overcharge us for the food we're buying. Do you know what I mean? Like, if we look at the mode, the conservative mode of capitalism as it exists today, it doesn't reward community behavior.
Speaker 1:
And I guess, speaking to your point about communities where people have less, you are more dependent on your relationships and so therefore, you benefit, you invest. So that's why you do it and I think because our society, at least here in australia I don't know exactly you know wherever you might be in the usa, uk, canada, wherever you are in the world, even if you live in, like Singapore, and you're in a pretty wealthy end of Asia, you don't necessarily engage with people. You live in your apartment, you go to work, you do your job, maybe your family, but that's it. So I think, because we live in a society that's so focused on money, because life is very expensive to live here in Australia and Sydney, maybe people don't leave enough emotional or energetic bandwidth to do that. Yeah, and I suppose my take on that idea of like there's no, you don't benefit, like there's no reward for it, the reward I, I believe, I believe people are paying the price for that lack of involvement and but they're oblivious to it.
Speaker 1:
Yes, and they think it's, you know, oh, no, I gotta, I gotta, fucking buy a new car. I gotta, you know, get that new subscription or I need a new watch. So it's like no cunt. Yeah, you need to have more meaningful connections with the people around you. Yeah, you know, and and so we're paying a price and the reward is there if you want it, but we're not aware. I guess people are not paying attention to it, they're not incentivized by the, the external inputs. Yeah, and maybe, like you may I think you might have touched on this in a previous conversation that maybe it's not in their family.
Speaker 1:
You know their family doesn't get together as much, whereas you think about, like, hanging out with Paulie, you know, like Polynesian family, fucking everyone's together, right, cousins, brothers, sisters, aunties, like get everyone, get the gang together. Know, let's have a barbecue, let's have fucking 50 people here. You know like, yeah, maybe, if that's not really taught, like the parents haven't set that example, then kids don't follow up. And yeah, yeah, I do think that's a thing. I mean, yeah, australians, generally, I think we don't want to. Um, we're really concerned about inconveniencing somebody else, yeah, and so it's like oh no, I won't disturb them, I don't want to bother them. Yeah, you know, and that's whatever, a nice quirk of our cultural personality. It's probably a little bit uptight in a way. It's totally uptight, yeah, and it plays into that thing where it's like, okay, well, now, because you don't want to inconvenience anyone, you actually don't fucking talk to anyone ever. You know, like that's a problem. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Look, it's tough.
Speaker 1:
And I think what I have loved about BJJ is it's such a community, it is the community builder. Yeah, there's nothing like getting over your personal quirks and fucking bullshit. That just be like I personal quirks and fucking bullshit, they just be like I'm going to fucking strangle you, cunt. And they've got to be like I'm going to strangle you too, bro. It smashes through all of that. It just gets rid of it. Yeah. And post roll it's like being at a festival with fucking everybody's on MDMA. It's like I fucking love you, man. I fucking love you too. Weird, stranger.
Speaker 1:
But at jiu-jitsu you get all those great hormones and so you're like we're together in this crazy, weird thing we're doing. Yeah, but you feel post-training like I don't know about you, but you're like we're here and we're doing a thing together. Yeah, absolutely. And that's where I think like you know, I'm not even trying to tie this into jiu-jitsu, but that's where, say, having a practice like jiu-jitsu pays huge dividends. Like if I'm looking at all these people, I'm like if that guy, that father that didn't make eye contact at all and didn't acknowledge my existence, I'm like I reckon if he trained jits he would learn something about that. He'd turn around and he'd be like hey, joey, love the pod Bro, a huge fan. His wife would be like I always hear your voice in the car. Yeah, like, they're good people, those people they know they are, they are real, they're good participants in society. But you know, but that would that would like like jiu-jitsu has a way of breaking people.
Speaker 1:
Commonality. It doesn't matter where you are in the social standing, whether you're a doctor, surgeon, ceo, street sweeper, fucking who knows, you collect the trolleys for woolies. You do jujitsu. You know you're, you're, you're bound, you're connected in a way that's can't explain. Yeah, you know, you hear it, you hear, um, people say it all the time, like when you go, like when you meet great fighters. They're really nice people, yeah, and it's like, yeah, well, they don't like they've had to deal with a lot of insecurities and a lot of like vulnerabilities to become that who they are, and so they're kind of very well calibrated in terms of what can be the actual potential of another human or what can happen in life. I think you know it's.
Speaker 1:
I'm not trying to place too much weight on it, but I do think if you train in combat yeah, you know, you have a feel for like, ah, okay, I had thought this that what would society look like if we all trained Jiu Jitsu? Like just everyone. You, I mean, you put that you. It would sort shit out way more. It just would. There'd be much more person-to-person understanding and a degree of empathy, because when we hear about the pain points of people in jiu-jitsu, we feel them, we know it and we're all going through some shit. We've all got parents who have died or family members with problems our own health problems we're all human or family members with problems our own health problems, we're all human. But jiu-jitsu, I feel, brings the humanity right in your fucking face and so I think that's where you go.
Speaker 1:
You know what? I can fucking feel that, and I think the society part of the social media thing is the social distortion of everything's great all the fucking time. It's not, everything's a PB, everything's fucking awesome and that's just fake. And we know it's fake, we all know it's pretend, but still, because this is the societal norm, we go along with it. And yeah, it's a challenge.
Speaker 1:
Man, I don't think that the social media goes away, but if we have something which is a counterpoint, it doesn't have to be jiu-jitsu. You know it might be. You know your kid's sports club, so then you get to hang out with the dads and the mums of the kids who also play the same sport as your kids. That's really cool, too, because you're both doing something in the name of your children, and that's very positive. So you know, I definitely think there's a way. I definitely think there's a way, but there's definitely lots of examples that are not as inspiring. Yeah, plenty of shit cunts out there. Don't be that shit, don't be a shit cunt. That's the takeaway from today's episode. There it is, folks.