Bulletproof For BJJ Podcast
Discussions on improving your BJJ, navigating mat-politics and all aspects of the jiu jitsu lifestyle. Multiple weekly episodes for grapplers of any level. Hosted by JT and Joey - Australian jiu jitsu black belts, strength coaches, and creators of Bulletproof For BJJ App. Based out of Sydney, Australia
Bulletproof For BJJ Podcast
ADHD and BJJ: The Extreme Mind Of JT
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What drives someone to embrace chaos and the extreme? Joey dives into the mind of co-host JT to figure out what fuels the tenacity that fuels the man that sits across from him. Find out a little bit about how JT thinks and why he may say things you either love or hate.
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Now, if you've listened to the show for a little while, you may have detected that JT is a man of intensity and you really only get little windows into this intensity, maybe one or two.
Speaker 1:Every episode depends on the topic at hand. Today, this is more of a personal endeavor for me, a bit of an indulgence, if you will to quiz the man on what drives this intensity. I wanted to try to get a handle on the inner fire that gives us the man and the energy that is James Tenacity Tomlinson. So strap yourselves in, put a couple of toothpicks into your fucking eyeballs, inject some adrenaline straight into those eyeballs, because today we go deep into the lion's den. Hey, if you are enjoying the show, we go deep into the lion's den. Hey, if you are enjoying the show, please do us one little favor like subscribe, and if you are listening to this on an audio platform like Spotify, leave us a five-star review. It's a simple little gesture, but it goes a really long way to helping support this thing that we do and putting it in front of more good people such as yourself. Let's get into the goal. Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? I'm ready. Hey, welcome to the show. I want to quiz JT today. I want to ask you about your approach to things, because we had a conversation yesterday talking about, um, the, the intensity of. Well, we're talking about the edge, yes, right, and we're talking about this, this intensity and things, and I think anyone that's listened to the show for more than probably 60 seconds knows that you're an intense guy. And um, perhaps, and so you know, we're talking kind of specifically about the strength training you've been doing lately, yep, and so you're going hard on. Are you going hard on pat? Is it all power lifting or is it just squatting dead? No, it's, it's, it's actually strong man, okay. So, even though I train at a power lifting gym uh, I'm doing log pressing there was some stone lifting in their last block, not this block there's some carries like farmer's carry. You know there's just pull-ups in there, there's dips in there, but definitely the focus more recently has been get my squat and my deadlift stronger, right as much as there's other stuff. And so you know, and so you're doing that too. Like, what did you? The last thing you posted, you were deadlifting 220 kilograms for five reps. Four reps, pussy, um, and so you know.
Speaker 1:And so, like I'm, I know you and I know what you're interested in, but I'm thinking people saying like, oh my god, this cunt's fucking extreme, what is it about that that you enjoy? Um, I think that people probably don't know how extreme I am as a person, because it's probably antisocial and I've learned that that's not the best way to get on with people. Um, yeah, like there's somehow I don't know why Um, yeah, like there's somehow, I don't know why, probably not a death wish, but I was pretty reckless as a teenager and I think I was saying to you that, like, there's definitely some stuff I did which I could have easily died doing. And I actually think about it now and I think, fuck, that was. Why did I do that? Like, like, uh, like train surfing, you know why? Why, why the fuck would you do that? That's wild, like that's, that's, that's a very easy way to die.
Speaker 1:Is that where you're on top or on the side, both kind of wherever? Both, yeah, you just kind of. You're not inside the train. So you jump onto the outside of a train. You can either be on the back, yeah, or you can climb up onto the roof, right, but depending on what system you're in, like, like, if you're in the mountains, like it's very easy to get electrocuted if you're on the, you can't really be on the top on a mountain's train, which is where I came up, right? We would be hanging off the back and be tagging the back of the train, right? Or we would do jump downs, like hang on the back, jump off, tag the side, jump back on. Yeah, right, between stations, whatever the fuck, how fucking are they going super fast? They're going pretty fast. I think they're doing like 70 k's, 80 k's now, oh, fuck me. And then coal trains too. You can get up riding a coal train and yeah, right, and what you see? Just inhale some coal here, chuck some fucking rocks off. We'll come and get it later. It'll be good, keep the house warm.
Speaker 1:No, it's just, um, because I used to get in fights a lot too, like I used to be very aggressive as a a young teenage man not happy with the state of the world. Um, I, I think the thing for me is that, uh, my partner, allah, she's always saying you should go to a psychiatrist and get diagnosed for adhd, and then you'll be fine and you can take these low-level stimulants and and that that will make you feel normal. I'm like I don't feel the need to do that. I feel the need to consume enough caffeine to kill a horse and then lift enough weight to break my back and then after that I feel normal, right so, okay, right. So is there something cathartic in going the hard way? I have to kind of pacify myself. Yeah right, if I don't I want to kill people.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, like every day, like road rage, except not on the road, just small things like Homicidal tendencies, road rage, call it what you want. I mean I'm not on, I'm not like. You know. I, you know people were like going all over the internet with, uh, dr mike israel being like I wake up and I think of violence. When he was like taking a bunch of steroids. He's like that's why I had to stop, I had to just downgrade to trt. Yeah, get fucked. Um, I don't know why.
Speaker 1:I often question why I feel the way I do, because I I sometimes think I'm mad. I sometimes like that's not normal, that's not healthy, that's not a lot of things, and so I have to take a beat and take a breath and go. Okay, why am I thinking and feeling this way? And sometimes because I haven't trained and like jujitsu has definitely been an outlet for that intensity that I can feel calm after it and then and and you know like there's different discussions around like jujitsu is not therapy, but I've had therapy, I've been to the psychologist, many psychologists, I've had those chats, but definitely there is something to something that feels akin to dying or being close to that feeling, which forces you to relax, because if you go any further, you don't, you're like there's no more, it's all over.
Speaker 1:So you better fucking chill, whether you're forced to pass out or you get really dizzy or you just can't exert yourself any further, and that then can give it's almost like you know it's yeah, it is cathartic. It gives you that moment of stillness from whether it be mental chatter or you know. It's a sense of being alive, even if you're in like intense pain. There's a sense of being alive, even if you're in like intense pain. There's something to that for like feeling alive, because I think you can get very dulled by day-to-day stuff, as much as you can be grateful for the sun on your face and going for a walk and looking at the sky, and there's, there's a lot to that.
Speaker 1:There's nothing about deleting 500 emails from my fucking inbox to make me think, oh shit, I got another 22,000 of these cunts I have to delete. Fuck that, fuck this. I want to throw this out the window Like this is. Is this how I should spend my life? Is that how you should spend your life? Like what the fuck am I doing with my life?
Speaker 1:So the difficulty is there's a mixture of I have very high expectations for myself and it's hard to meet those. But then also it is hard to not then extend that to other people. It's hard to not then extend that to other people. And it's not that other people don't have their standards or whatever. They're just not my standards. And so I heard something recently which is pretty interesting.
Speaker 1:It said if you're in a rush, it's hard to be empathetic. And I'm always in a fucking rush because I have an impending sense of mortal doom, the shortness of life. So I'm not particularly empathetic and I don't think I'm a psychopath, but I definitely get those moments where I cannot relate to certain people's emotional attachment or emotional. And it doesn't mean I don't feel emotional about things, but it's just strange. There's just times where I just cannot give a fuck about someone being upset about something which is entirely outside of their control and they can't do anything about it and they're kind of torturing themselves. And so there's moments where I have to just go and do something, to take my whole, all the noise in my head and all this shit. I have to really push it to an extreme place. However, I do that and then that allows me to probably be more of a normal human Right. I think that's it. It's a form of regular, it's not just a hobby, it's a form of regulation.
Speaker 1:And so the idea is to say, if we take the training, jujitsu, the strongman work you're doing now is the only way that you would ever like. Is there ever a place where you would do those things at a moderate level, or does it always be duty on nature? Does it have to be that the extreme end? No, I think like it's. It's about how you frame it right. The easiest way for me to deal with it is to quit. The easiest way for me to moderate is to not do it, but that is also not like the best demonstration of control. Like I'm pretty good with self-control. Um it when? Why would you roll your eyes at yourself there? No, I was just thinking about that and I'm like no, if I make a deal with myself, I'm not going to do a thing, I won't do this thing. If I do not, I will. But that would almost be case in point of what my question was right. Like if you were like I don't want to do this shit moderately, so I quit, yeah. But I'm saying that that's not a good demonstration of self-control. No, to just be like either do it or I don't like that, that doesn't demonstrate, you know, and I, I can, I can do that.
Speaker 1:The difficulty is that and this is what I've had to learn over time too is that if my intent is to be strong, I can't max every session, even though maxing is exciting and that's often how I get my kicks. So it's because my life is not particularly eventful. I've set it up in a fairly structured way to support doing something well, whatever that be. Um, I, I think, can I do something moderately? Probably not. I don't enjoy moderate things. I mean, I can be average at something like rock climbing. I'd be, I'm shit at it, but I still enjoy it. It's fun, like if, if it's a game, it's fine. Like if I'm, if I'm not like trying to be really good at something, that's uh, it's fine, but that's difficult because I just, you know, I like to go deep on shit. Talk to me about the um.
Speaker 1:Uh, you mentioned like a couple of near death experiences as a kid train surfing, what else? Like what other shit did you do there? That was like, oh, you know, like it was mainly just being like reckless, just being a reckless teenager. You know like. You know, like you know, climbing a really tall fence to get into a train yard where if you just fell, you'd probably like the defense is like five meters tall. There's razor wire on top of that. Like there's, that's not. You shouldn't do that. There's razor wire on top of that. Like there's, that's not. You shouldn't do that. You know.
Speaker 1:I think you know like just anything in the name of like chasing the intense feeling like you had mentioned people who ride motorbikes, but my mom worked as a nurse at one stage in a spinal injuries unit, so therefore she, from very young age, could see that I was pretty reckless, like 14 years old. She was like you're not allowed to ride motorbikes. I'll write you out of my will You're not allowed. Because she said that you know 90% of the people at the spinal injuries unit were men under the age of 25 riding motorbikes. Wow, yeah, they just fucking you push the edge, you find it, yeah. So, man, hey, guess what?
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Speaker 1:It is a hard juggle in my mind because I feel the need to be responsible, not for my own well-being, for those around me. Like, I feel the need to be a stable, good person for my partner. I feel the need to be a stable, good person for my family, to help them and be of service to them, my community. I want to be a good training partner when I do jiu-jitsu, but there's also a part of me that just wants to just fucking light myself on fire and shoot myself out of air cannon. So it's like Wow, fucking you know. And what is it about that Like? Is there something in thinking about that Like? It's like fuck, that'd be sick, or is it just like I just want to burn it all down? I give a fuck, uh, both, it's a canals, doors, it's a bit of both. I don't know.
Speaker 1:You know, you might you know people out there, you know, if you're hearing this, you might. You might be the kind of person like yeah, um, I'm there with you, or you might just be like you're a fucking psychopath, which is fair. But it's funny because I have a friend who is, who did the psychopath test and like flying colors is a dead set psychopath and I was like I'm not quite there. I think I have. I have empathy. For sure is that psychopath is someone who is like a sociopath, yeah, cannot relate like they're just like they don't understand human emotion. They can't relate to remorse or anything else, it's just very self-serving and everything else doesn't matter. So it's not that Set yourself on fire, shoot yourself out of a cannon yeah, man, I don't know, like that's. I mean even to have that as like an offhand, like, kind of like, yeah, this is what I do. I'm like fuck me, that's you've.
Speaker 1:I feel like you must have thought about that to have said that. Yeah, I thought that would be pretty cool. Is there a performative element? Because you do like performing? I do. I wanted to be an actor when I was a kid. Is that part of it that you're like I want to fucking, like I want to be evil. It's like I want to be cool. I, I wasn't a cool kid, so I want to be cool to me, like it's not even as much as it's as much as it's like that would be a fucking interesting conversation to have, right, like, because I felt like I, I guess, uh, when I was younger, I had a fear of being boring, because I felt like I was a boring kid or whatever, and I thought like cool people did exciting things. It's not necessarily true. Cool people are just people who are happy with themselves. They just, they just chill. No, I think it's more around.
Speaker 1:I want to be able to look in the mirror and be satisfied with myself, with myself. So if that day was to do a certain thing, I would have met my goals. And the biggest problem is and we probably all suffer this as humans to some regard is not being satisfied with what you're doing. But for me, the bar is pretty high. It's very easy for me to not be satisfied with myself. I it's very easy for me to not be satisfied with myself, and that could be you know, that could be the recipe for happiness.
Speaker 1:So last question how do you then, how do you make best use of that fucking intensity, like what you know? You obviously harness it to do amazing things. Nah, you got to put it into stuff, I guess. Like I don't want to set a bad, I would like to set a good example for people. That's what I would like to do. So I just have to find a way to. I have to find a way to be okay with myself if I'm not doing something crazy every single day. And that's hard, that's a lot of I'm not happy. A lot of days I'm disappointed is very, very rare that I'm happy with myself or the world. So it doesn't mean it sounds strange, because I wouldn't say, oh, I'm an unhappy person, I'm not. I'm genuinely optimistic and hopeful about everything in life. Yeah, but it's just, it's a challenge because I don't want to alienate people but I want to stay true to myself and those things are in conflict because I can almost never be myself honestly around anyone other than myself and a barbell or a cannon anyone other than myself and a barbell or a cannon.
Speaker 1:What would? Um? So if you were around someone and you were being a hundred percent who you are, what could the person who's there with you expect to witness? Um, like savagery, yeah, like, can you paint that picture? Savagery? It would just be like Well, like incredibly rude, blunt, judgmental. Like what is it? Yeah, but like to like just it would be it'd be nonstop rubbish, like I would just be talking the most smack about just just brought. It would be like You're kind of like that sometimes, yeah, but that's just, that's just me at 10%. I know you don't like it when I like start really getting into it Because you're like this motherfucker's killing my vibe, you know, and I don't want to spoil your day either, right? So, nah, man, it's just but. So it would be that, but just like the tap fully open, 1000% plus hectic levels of risky behavior. Yeah right, yeah, it would just be like being a teenager. I don't know how long I'd live, yeah, right, so it's probably best that I just fucking go see the psychiatrist and take the low-level stimulants and just be fucking pacified.
Speaker 1:I don't know, man, like you know, it's funny how, like, um, joe Rogan talks about John Jones. Oh, you know, in an, a bygone age, he'd be there with an ax on a horse or some shit. My mom said to me when I was young she's like you were born in the wrong time, like, cause I used to be very argumentative, and she's like you should have been a fucking Spartan or something. You would have been great. You give your fucking spear and a shit. You just go fucking kill somebody. That would have been your time, it would have suited, because then no one would have been like, oh, you're a bit socially inappropriate. No, it's like that's perfect. Go die in battle.
Speaker 1:So I don't know, man, it's a strange thing, because I really want to help people, because I think that's the best thing you can do in life to contribute. But I struggle to work out how I help myself. This is the challenge. You know, I feel like what you've described is probably pretty unique, right, I'm guessing maybe there's a couple of things that are like yeah, I can vibe with that, but I think that the conflict you describe I think that that is something most people can vibe with of you know, like harboring almost competing sort of identities in a way, or not identities, but ideals, because you're like I want to be this but also fucking want to be this, and sometimes they clash, they're yelling at each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's strange, because I do find that sometimes the voice when I say this it's going to sound strange. The voice is my head, like you have an internal monologue, right, most people do, but some people don't. But you know, if you do something good, you know sometimes like voice in your head will be like hey, man, that was good, nice, good work. You know, pat on the back and then otherwise you do something in other ways. Like you fucked that up, man, fuck, why'd you say that? That's fucking so embarrassing. They're gonna hate you forever. Uh, you know, um, you're the best round, you know, and, and.
Speaker 1:But then the funny thing is I catch myself how I think of who I am as a neutral in the middle, and these two voices are fucking screaming at each other. One is like crazy optimism, positivity, and the other one is like you fucking suck. And there's like I'm like guys, work, work it out. Like it's, it's not that good, it's not that bad, like can we, can I go now? Like are we, are we okay here? So I don't know, I don't know how to reconcile it.
Speaker 1:I think the thing I've come to understand is that if I am unbridled in my seething, loathing, despisement of what I don't like in the world, then that just turns people off and no one will listen to what I have to say. If I'm too optimistic and I'm too happy and I'm too like that, people are like that's unrealistic or they don't it's in the clouds. But I don't really live in the middle, I don't. It's very hard, it's a very unsatisfying existence, because I am either or both, but never in between, and I don't know what the fuck to do about it. Joe, fuck, I like that. I like the way you put that at the end there, man, it's fascinating. You're a fucking. You're a unique character, fucking.
Speaker 1:I could be schizophrenic, this could be yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure there's someone out there. It's like I know exactly what you have Guys sound out of the comments. What do you think JT's got? How much tism is in this? I don't know when am I on this fucking spectrum? Oh, no man. Like you know, obviously I appreciate you know. Like you know, we spend a lot of time together, so you've seen plenty sides of how I am. But I also have full respect to you, understood how you are as a person. So I do think about how I present, because we've got work to do, we've got to do this thing and I don't want to alienate you. So it's like in that way I do have to moderate to an extent to stay on point to do this thing, because otherwise it's like I just couldn't do it. So that's cool. But I appreciate people's patience with me.
Speaker 1:It's funny because sometimes the first time someone sees a clip of me on the internet is me going off about some shit. They're like what the fuck is wrong? Who hurt you? And I'm like how much time you got, motherfucker? Yeah, like you don't know me, son. Yeah, were you hanging out in the schoolyards in the Blue Mountains in the late 80s? Can I talk to you about how many times I've been fucking, fucking stomped on the ground by a group of young men, a few, a few.
Speaker 1:There's reason for the trust issues. But, um, don't worry about the fucking context. I'm as intense as a David Goggins. I'm just not as mad publicly, but possibly as mad privately. You just don't fucking know it. So it's like don't look to me for the well-balanced, well-reasoned approach. I'm not trying to be rational, I'm not trying to be reasonable, I am fucking irrational as it gets Mad as a fucking hatter and you don't have to be on board with it. That's cool. This is what it comes down to. But if you can take something from it, that's good. So it's just. I'll let Joe come through with the moderation and the in-between. You know it's the juggle. The juggle that we face. Know thyself. True, it's a little fucking. That's nice. That little closing piece there, I think we'd call it. Thank you, joe. Thank you for indulging me to just fucking talk nonsense about myself. I appreciate the insight, if that's what it is. Thanks, fam.
