Bulletproof For BJJ Podcast
Discussions on improving your BJJ, navigating mat-politics and all aspects of the jiu jitsu lifestyle. Multiple weekly episodes for grapplers of any level. Hosted by JT and Joey - Australian jiu jitsu black belts, strength coaches, and creators of Bulletproof For BJJ App. Based out of Sydney, Australia
Bulletproof For BJJ Podcast
When They Get Promoted And You Don't...
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Have you ever felt the sting of being overlooked for a promotion, not in the office, but on the mats? We talk about the emotions tied to these moments, and the fine line between motivation and frustration when it comes to belt grading.
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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Bulletproof for BJJ podcast. You've been overlooked for your next grading. This is a contentious topic, but it needs to be discussed. We talk about does this really matter and what does it mean? Also, the taboo subject of communication between coach and student about expectations on what it takes to go to the next level. Also, how important is acknowledgement stripes, belts, all the like and what it can do to keep folks in the game. And, last but not least, we go into is it better to be graded early or late? And how good is it to know your worth as a BJJ practitioner? Let's get into the episode.
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Speaker 1:Listen very carefully. A good martial artist does not become tense, but ready. Essentially, at this point, the fight is over, so you pretty much flow with the goal. Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? I'm ready. This may have happened to you. Everyone else got graded but you got overlooked. Ooh, it hurts. You've been putting in the time, you've been doing the work, you come to class, you're at the barbecues, you're at the fundraisers, you clean the mats, you do everything right and you get overlooked for the grading. What the fuck?
Speaker 1:So I recently I got a message from from friend of the podcast purple belt, four stripes. Been there a while. You know those belts are a bit like tattered stripes fallen off, stripes fallen off. Like this person was ready for their brown belt. Yeah, and I went to the grading. It's end of year grading right, like you're seeing it right, you're seeing it right, you're seeing it a lot. Tis the season, tis the season and no strap. Like no strap, no brown belt, that's it. Just wait till next time, wait till next quarter, next year, whenever, wait forever. What does this mean? Are they not good enough? Is the coach manipulating them, holding them back, sandbagging them? Like? It was very confusing to our friend and I wanted to unpack this because I think there's probably one or two people out there who could probably feel this.
Speaker 1:Probably hundreds of people have been baffled, frustrated, infuriated by being fucking passed over. I mean, I think often, despite our best intentions and sort of understanding, in these moments it can be very hard to not feel like you've been passed over. Sometimes at a grading, if you look to your left and you know that person is not as good at jujitsu as you, you kick their ass. You know, you both train, but you're like you know that you're actually better at the thing than them and they get graded above you. That can be very vexing, oh yeah. And there's also just like, even not relevant to one of your training partners, but there's also just that thing of like I've been consistent, I, I've been coming. It's been ages. Yeah, you know, I've done like you said, the fundraisers. I went to the assay party, you know, and it's like fuck, I thought for sure. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:And of course, and because there's also the veil of silence around such discussions, well, let's get into that, right. So, look, I wanted to start with. What does it mean? Does it matter? Because for some people, the next belt or the next stripe is everything, but then for some folks they're like no, it doesn't matter to me. I'm just here, I'm doing jujitsu, and the stripes and the belts come as a result. Who cares? Right.
Speaker 1:I tend to believe that about like of the people who say that, I think like 5% of them really mean it. I think the other 95% have been reading Ryan Holiday and want to show you that no, I don't care, it's more about jujitsu. You're like fuck a bullshit cunt. Everyone oh you that I. No, I don't care, it's more about jiu-jitsu. You're like fuck a bullshit cunt.
Speaker 1:Everyone loves getting the call up. Yeah, it's nice, like that's like the nicest kind of pat on the back dopamine hit you can get. You know, people always post and like here's my stripe and like a certain belt, depending on how many years you put in, is a real fucking milestone, right, if you think about all the years you've ever fucking done anything. I mean, we went through school, but did we actually give a shit? Probably not. Like yeah, okay, I graduated high school, so what? Now on to the next thing.
Speaker 1:But when you have consciously, as an adult, given up family time, work time, I believe it is more meaningful and that's why people care more. Like that blue belt, that purple belt, that's fucking everything. And there's a good reason. I think it does matter. I'm gonna say it matters, yeah, and, and I think fuck comment section's gonna blow up. Everyone's got their opinion. I'm just a sucker with an opinion and that's fine. But here's the thing I believe it does matter, but this is going to lead us into this veil, this unspoken you can't talk about with your coach shit.
Speaker 1:Communication between coach and student is crucial, right, because there might be a particular reason the coach is not grading you or the head instructor, right. And if they don't communicate it at all, because there's this like old school, we don't talk about that. You don't ask about your grade. I don't tell you. It's some magical, fucking surprise. I think this can create real problems, because I can't remember where I got this probably not Jordan Peterson, but somewhere. It was.
Speaker 1:Like unspoken expectations are future resentments, Because if you have expectations that you haven't actually communicated and then someone doesn't meet them, then you're going to be like they're not doing the thing I expect them to do, even though I didn't tell them to do it. Right, and this can function in relationships like you know, romantic relationships. But then also, if the coach didn't tell you that, hey, they really want to see that you put your shoes in a line with all the other shoes, or whatever the fuck it is, you know, or they didn't tell you that they want you to stay back and clean the mats, or you know, like, how were you to know? Yeah, but then also, as a student, if you are not able to ask your coach, what would you like me to do, or what do you need me to do to be a blue belt or to be good enough to be a purple belt, then that's kind of sucks too, right, like I think this creates a problem. Yeah, yeah, it does. I mean there's something in that, like there is a way to ask such things isn't there? And to say like, hey, coach, like when am I going to get? Sure, like that is usually. It's not the best way to go about it. The way you articulate it is a lot general. Like, hey, what would you like to see from me to consider me On that level? You know, and the coach can read between the lines, right, they're like oh, okay, yep, I see what you're asking, but it's a very respectful way to ask. Yeah, and look, it's difficult because if you have a coach, you love your coach, they're awesome, you've got a great relationship, but you're not allowed to talk about belts and grades and am I ready? That's awkward. Yeah, that's awkward. Yeah, that's awkward, that's uh.
Speaker 1:I think in any good relationship you need to be able to talk about switching up positions. You've got to keep it interesting. If you can't, you can't say, hey, let's, uh, let's mix it up on Saturday nights. Maybe you chuck it in me now. Yeah, hey, you know you're trying to raise up a peg, so to speak. You might try to. I'm not saying you're pegging yourself above anyone else here, but what I'm saying is You're stretching out for that one. That was a Tito Ortiz moment.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying here is that it is worthwhile to understand how grades go in your gym. When I was trying to come up in the belts, I was trying to be a competitor and I could see that if you were to do really well in a competition, whether it be the Worlds or a top-level kind of national competition, then that showed that you were better than other people of that level. And the measurement of you at a belt was how many championships could you win at that belt? Right, you know. So if that is the measure, then you got to win some fucking championships. Right, that's the expectation. But if you're at a gym that has a specific syllabus and a certain criteria on how many classes you come to and all of that. Then it's all laid out for you. You need to stick to the plan, yeah. And so I think that it's really important that you have a look and you go man, I didn't grade. Am I ticking the boxes my coach wants me to tick? Yeah.
Speaker 1:And some people are like, oh, I'm not political like that, I'm just in it for the art. You know, like, fuck that Dude. We are all playing some kind of game within this hierarchy of life, and if you don't kind of adhere to the rules of the house, then you don't win the game. You know what I mean? Like, I think that's part of it. Yeah, as you say, I'm just anticipating some of the comments, because whenever we talk about belts, people get like yeah, but this isn't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, know, I was just wanting to pre-address a couple because, because there's going to be that thing of like, well, you know, when you smash all of the purple belts in the class, then you should be a purple belt and it's like that is a terrible metric, like that is actually. That is just a. That is just lazy thinking that, because if you've told everybody when you smash the belt above you, that's when you're ready for that belt. You're probably not going to smash all the purple belts when you're a blue belt because they're too busy trying to fucking smash you and they're better than you, potentially right. Um, that thing too of like winning competitions, I think I mean sure, right, if you, if maybe maybe a certain gym, right, maybe that's a thing. But I think, like going in competitions amazing, but not the result of it, just entering comps and competing and having that, you know, and that was say, something that adam was was moderate, he had that as a standard. Hey, you do have to compete a little bit. Yeah, you know, and I think that's really good because it's like I want you to expose yourself to this thing. That's tough and whatever happens happens and that's part of the thing. But yeah, it's just. I just wanted to share those two thoughts. Yeah, and look, this is not actually a discussion about belts. No, I think this is more of a discussion, or where the point is going.
Speaker 1:Next is everything we do in life we have to work at to get better, and what helps along the way is acknowledgement. It is important that at each stage it doesn't have to be a belt. It doesn't have to be a stripe. It can just be that somebody sees you working away, struggling, succeeding, failing, and says, hey, you know what, you're getting better there. And it's not always your coach, sometimes it's just like a teammate who they might be a bit above you or a bit lower, but they might be like hey, man, you do that sweep, so good man.
Speaker 1:And typically we fall into negative patterns of like blaming ourselves I'm not good enough, man, I still suck at this, I'm getting smashed. It's rare that we get those little breaks mentally where we feel like you know what I did, I did pretty good there. You know, we give ourselves permission to feel good about the thing we're working on. You know, like it it's. It's far easier to be critical. It's rare to be like easier to be critical. It's rare to be like you know, give yourself some praise or some acknowledgement and usually it has to come externally. It has to be someone saying hey, I saw what you did there, that was great.
Speaker 1:You know, it's like when you scrunch up a piece of paper and you're fucking miles out from the bin. You're like I'm about to Michael Jordan, this shit Fucking swish, nothing but bin liner, but no one's watching and you're like it's one for the gods. They know, I know, yep, I'm the Michael Jordan of trash. I'm the trash Michael Jordan. But you know, like you have these moments where you might do something exceptional but no one sees it. But in jiu-jitsu typically, I mean if you hit that mad back take or whatever. But in jiu-jitsu typically, I mean if you hit that mad back take or whatever. You may have experienced this, joe, where you do a move really well and then your partner's like what the fuck did you just do? That was good. You know, I love it when someone who's watching says some shit, oh yeah, you come up on the sweep and then they're like boom. And you're like yeah, Actually, yeah, just on that acknowledgement piece.
Speaker 1:I was at training yesterday at um at gracie balmain and uh, my buddy locky was coaching, shout out, and uh, he was teaching us um, we're doing some reverse knee shield stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. And uh, whatever, it was tricky, hadn't done it before. And then you know like, hit it, hit it once or twice while rolling. He's watching everyone. But he's like fuck you, joey, that's, it was like sick cunt, like saw me do it and you're like it's such a small thing, right. But, like the coach is saying to you in that moment, I'm watching what's going on Positive reinforcement and I saw that good thing you did. I know you chose to do that thing because we're working on it today, like there's a lot in that, so the acknowledgement piece really goes a long way.
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Speaker 1:I was actually going to say, like I've seen and I know I always use Adam as a reference point because he's my coach, but he does a cool thing at gratings and I just remember this in the last one, where he said he addresses the people that didn't get graded today. He's like, hey, there's probably some of you that were hoping to be graded today, maybe not, but here's what I want to say to you guys and I think that's really cool because it's just like I see you and I thought about it too. I acknowledge you're not good enough. Yeah, keep showing up, man, but it's just even something small like that, right, I think that's because usually what happens at gratings is all the people that get graded like get the big round of applause and get the new belt and then you all fuck off to the pub or whatever. Yeah, no one says shit to everyone else. You know everyone's taking photos with the new belts and it's like, yeah, but just that little thing of like addressing those who didn't and letting them know I, I, I recognize you, people are here. Can I, can I share a mistake I have made in not acknowledging someone? Yeah, yeah, big shout out to our boy, jeremy Martinez. Yeah, so when Jeremy came, still coming for that neck Jeremy, he, I hope you hear this, jeremy.
Speaker 1:Um, I had told him to come to the grading because I intended to give him stripes, because I think he was two stripe white belt or three and he was killing everybody. That's like a, you know, should pretty much be a blue belt, but had only been here a short time and I was like determined, I was like nah, and he'd hurt his knee, so he's off the mats, but I'm like bro, definitely come. Anyway, in the madness of the grading I'd written down names, I'd written his name, but I'd only torn off so many stripes. Like what I do is I pre-tear the tape stripes. I don't tear them at the time. I've got them ready to just go.
Speaker 1:I've observed other very poorly executed gradings. Now sometimes instructors just give stripes in class, but I prefer it to be as the grading, with belts, with everything else, so that everybody can get the acknowledgement right. I had torn less stripes than there were names on the list and I had just gone down the the list and I totally fucking forgot about Jeremy and I had invited him to come and he hadn't been training. So he came here especially with his bad knee, put the gi on, whatever came, also came early and then just fucking didn't get any acknowledgement at all and it was such a fucking blunder. He was like fucking throw it in my face, just invite me with my bad knee, tell me to be here, and then I get no stripes, I get no belt, like. And understandably he was so upset because he cares so much.
Speaker 1:This is, he's a passionate guy, he loves jujitsu, you know, and he at that time was really upset and he let I can't remember if he let Paul know, he let someone know who wasn't me. And then that or maybe it was Dylan they came to me and said you need to talk to Jeremy, he's really unhappy. And I was like, oh shit, I fucking forgot. And he left before we'd kind of wrapped up. I didn't even have a chance to shake his hand or anything. Too busy high-fiving with all the new recruits, all the people who got belts you guys are the best, I love you guys Celebrating with the winners, not the losers who didn't get graded. And yeah, man, and I felt so fucking bad because it was my full intention to give him the stripes and promote him and I did actually eventually give him a chance. I did get the chance to promote him to his blue belt and his purple belt. He probably should be a black belt by now. His fucking weapon.
Speaker 1:Anyway, it's one of those things that it is a missed opportunity, I believe, on a coach's behalf, to acknowledge someone because that might be the only fucking good thing in their life. You know, like jujitsu could be the best part of a person's life, yeah, and I think it hurts more. Whereas, like, if, at work, you get passed over for a promotion like, ah, I don't give a shit, man, fuck this place, it's all just fake capitalist construct, whereas at jujitsu even though it may also be, it's all just fake capitalist construct, whereas at jujitsu, even though it may also be considered to be a fake capitalist construct, it means more, because they're your people and you care, and you sweat, and you bleed and you suffer, in the name of the thing. Therefore, that little piece of white tape can just be. It can be infinitely meaningful, yeah, and it can just keep you involved in something which is actually fairly important in your life. So what are you saying there, though? Are you saying that stripes should be given? No, no, no.
Speaker 1:This isn't a comment about stripes, this is a comment about acknowledgement, right, I think if you're doing anything hard, like you say, just having someone in it and it doesn't have to be a coach someone saying, hey man, that thing you did, that was good. You're like, fuck, yeah, I thought it was. Now I know I'm the man I can just retire, but no, it's just, it's so it saves you from the head. Torture of fuck. I still suck at this thing, because if no one's giving you feedback, that's the easiest default, because humans, just and this isn't even my negative psychology, this is humans tend to remember what is negative. And so, even though you might have had great roles, you tend to only remember the one role where you got smashed. Or you might have done the whole role really well and they passed at the end and then they unbarred you. Yeah, right, but you remember that you get hundreds of positive comments and then you get that one guy going yeah, you suck, I hate your red hat. You're like oh fuck, I'm going to have to change the color of my hat. No, it's just that, you. It's funny how the brain will just latch onto the one small negative and you forget all the good stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So a coach or a teammate taking the time to acknowledge is important and for sure, this friend of ours, he's like borderline, like I want to change clubs. I've been here eight years, I'm ready to be a brown belt. The fuck, I'm not a brown belt and I'm like bro, you are a brown belt, like you know what I mean, like you know, when you roll someone who's maybe been a blue belt for fucking 10 years and you're like bro, you're a purple belt, it's fine, you are good enough. The belt. I actually, even though it is good, the acknowledgement's important. This is where we come to more of my last point. This is where I kind of want to steer the conversation toward. Actually, no, no, we've missed a point. Sometimes, fuck, just like jeremy, you guys got the list in front of him and he fucking, I missed the point completely says jeremy, but uh, that's everyone. Sorry, we're done now. Uh, goodbye, see you next week. Um, sometimes it's a business model, sometimes it's a money thing.
Speaker 1:I hate to say this, but there are gyms out there who, if you don't pay for private lessons, they don't grade you. Or if you're not or pay for whatever some shit. Yeah, if you're not paying extra, you don't get graded. You've heard of that, I have. I've heard of a gym where, as a white belt, if you don't do a prerequisite 10 private lessons, if you don't do a prerequisite 10 private lessons, you don't get graded to blue belt. Yeah, guy, I know he quit that gym because he's like that's a thousand bucks. It's a hundred bucks a private lesson. I'm not paying a thousand dollars to get my fucking blue belt.
Speaker 1:I was like dude, fair, like I know other martial arts are charging you for gradings and plenty of other gyms. You know that's a whole different discussion, but some gyms do use it. You're saying it's kind of like a point of leverage on you. Yeah, they, yeah, that's right. And and yeah, like, like I can see where, as a business model, a coach might go. It's really important that I get some one-to-one time with each student right, like in order to like work on their game or whatever I. I can see the rationale behind that, but yeah, saying that you have to hit 10 private sessions, that seems extortionist. I do also think that coaches will and here is this is the power imbalance, this is the capitalistic system, jt, even probably sometimes I guess their best intentions coaches will leverage the grading to get something from the student right.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, you know? Hey, I need you to show up. You know, we've got the grading coming out. We're pulling up. Look if you, you're, you're, you're a carpenter, aren't you, joe? You fucking love to do flooring. Bring your tools, come in. Just come in, bro. We're just elevating the mats. It's for the benefit of the gym. It's going to be great. Then we're going to do the grading the weekend after. You're going to be there, right? Yeah, of course I know you're ready for that Blue Belt If you just come in and give us at way to get that's some wax on wax off shit. That's a mr miyagi shit. Right there. Oh, daniel son. Uh, fence need painting. You want great paint, fence.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, there's a there's like I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine, kind of deal. But there is. But there's an ethical, there's an ethical line I'll scratch your belt, fucking bullshit. Yeah, I think the you know, like another, like it's very subjective, isn't it? It's extremely subjective. There's times where you see it getting kind of weaponized a bit, where a coach wants to play favorites, sure, and they want to let somebody know that they're not a favorite, so they're going to, so you're getting looked over today. Yeah, fucking, I hope you realize you better fucking, and it's like that's brutal man, it's brutal, right, like there's a there. You know, there is a way to do things. Where that is, I don't know. No, I don't think I think that's fucked. I mean, I think certain standards for you to be at this level. You didn't meet the standards. So today's not the day yeah, potentially, but I mean Super subjective, right, yeah, there's a way to go about it, for sure, and I think that there is a.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately and this is like the capitalist thing, right, people can't help but get slimy about it at times. We can't help because we slimy about it at times. We can't help because, like, we all want to make the money. So I'm just going to rob you a little bit of how much I should pay because I just want to make a little bit more. I've never thought about it that way, because I haven't been a gym owner. I have been a head coach, so I've been in the position to grade people, but it didn't benefit me financially or not, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, but I was using that as an analogy. Right, it's not of financial benefit, but you're leveraging the thing to get. You're leveraging something against that person to get the behavior. Yeah, you're manipulating it, yeah, yeah, I don't think it's slimy. I mean, if somebody is a complete fuckwit and you want them to be less of a fuckwit, you're like, be nicer and you can get, like, play nice and get your belt. That's, that's our standard here. Stop wrist locking, fucking everyone. You know who I'm talking about, but that, yeah, you know who you.
Speaker 1:My point is. There is that the coach can be. The coach can use it in a slimy way, right, or or an unethical way is a better way to put it. It is difficult. I think it is great, if you have an objective measure to go against, to go hey, I hit the criteria. You said it's the criteria. Keep your fucking word right, that's. I think that's. That's a value if you have that totally.
Speaker 1:And that's the spoken expectations, isn't it? Yes, whereas you didn't meet my unspoken expectations. Is an is a uh jo. You didn't dovetail the floorboards, the fuck. You just fucking nail gunned them. Bro, call yourself a carpenter. What the fuck? Jesus would be embarrassed. You know, raylene bought me a Japanese carpentry book for my birthday. Fuck you. Shout out to Raylene. You should, bro. Dovetails are like Dovetails are like Only the beginning. No, no, no, like, yeah, the shit in there is like yeah, quantum physics, it's so good.
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Speaker 1:Well, I wanted to go to the last point in all this, which I feel and this is my advice to our friend who didn't get graded they got looked over, and so if you are in a similar situation and you, you're upset. You fucking haven't had good communication. You feel like you're worthy. My take on it is it's better to grade late than early. This is my opinion. Now, it's not some Joker willing. You failed. Good, it's not that.
Speaker 1:It's more that being given a belt and not being ready for it is a little bit of a curse, in the sense that I find people tend to swell into or shrink when they get a belt. They get a belt and they often like, yes, I deserve this, I fucking yeah, and you see them actually their game go up. But I've also seen people who were less certain of their skills get the belt and then kind of shrink a bit and then their game goes down actually. And so if you feel you're overdue and you feel you're good enough, this is actually a great place to be in and have the hunger and stay there, provided you're not so bitter or pissed off with your coach. You want to fucking quit the gym, because if you change gyms you're probably going to end up waiting another year or more. Anyway, this is how it often goes.
Speaker 1:I think it's way better for you to be the most savage four-stripe purple belt of all time, tapping brown and black belts, and everyone be like fuck, have you seen that guy? Then it would be to be a new brown belt and maybe not as good per se, you know. I think it's way better for you to be late to the belt than early to it and therefore you are good enough, whether your coach openly acknowledges it through a belt or not. If you've got the skills and you trust your ability, then I feel like that's all that matters, even though the whole acknowledgement thing, the belt system, all this stuff, communication, all that to the side if you know what you've done, that should be good enough, if you trust yourself and your skills. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, I mean, I love the sentiment, but but, yeah, I just well, you know, like, yeah, I just think it's it. But you would have seen that person, the slept on person, who just, oh, always, yeah, obliterates everyone, but absolutely. And some of those cats will take pride in just being that sort of like the most under Absolutely. And some of those cats will take pride in just being that sort of like savage, kind of underrated cat, right, but you know, like to our sort of first point about the acknowledgement thing, it's like most people will be like, yeah, thanks for the compliments, appreciate you, appreciate the fact that I can fuck everyone up. I just really want my coach to fucking show me that acknowledgement. Yeah, just a little bit of love, you know. So, yeah, like I agree, like that's all you got, that's all you can hold on to right and um and so fucking hold on to it and and it's.
Speaker 1:And it's also like, in the scheme of things, you are probably you're probably getting worked up in a in a disproportionate way, because what the next grading is in three, six, 12 months. Like you could have been that belt. Now it happened 12 months later. You're probably like, if you're making it to black belt, you're going to be around 12 years anyway. So like what's the rush? Like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think, if you've already done jiu-jitsu for eight to ten years, like it's different. If you're a white belt, you've been a white belt, I've been a white belt 12 months, why not a blue belt? Yeah, you know, different. For someone who's maybe invested eight, nine years, say Slightly different, I think. Well, yeah, but even still, like it's like one year, say, of delay in in a 12 month career is not a huge amount of time. Yeah, you know sure.
Speaker 1:No, I understand the comparative level, but it's also like if you've, I guess the investment is so much greater, it's, it's, it's a good portion of your life. Yeah, if we say we, we live hypothetically, if we live to be 100, 10 years is 10. It's more than that of your whole life. If you're 40, you've given 25% of your life to this thing. Yeah, I understand why it can feel. So I'm just trying to offer some consolation. Oh well, yeah, I mean it's difficult. I mean my consolation is just be fucking, be a badass and love that, but yeah, I feel that there is definitely a problem. Just be a badass and love that, but yeah, I feel that there is definitely a problem.
Speaker 1:Just picturing you like on a Harley Davidson Fucking, fucking Tattered purple belt Just fucking Badass. Yeah, you got it written on the back of your leather jacket, badass dude. No, that is my number plate, that's my ego plate, badass. Except, I couldn't afford two S's, so I've got two g a two, twos smoking a cigar bad a22. Fuck, yeah, bro, that guy's bad purple rashy. Don't worry about leathers. I don't care if I'm going to the gym to deadlift. I think it's tough when you've put the time in, but yeah, it's a, it's, it's fucking super tough, you know?
Speaker 1:Um, in terms of an active measure, I really think that what we said earlier on about like having that comms with your coach, like I just think that's like. When you're feeling that way, the best thing to do is to fucking talk to your coach about it and do it in a way that is respectful, like yo, fuck, coach, I don don't. You know. What would you like to see from me? Yeah, because I want to be there, I want to be good enough, yeah, so if you tell me what it takes to be good enough, I'll follow that game plan. You tell me and I'll get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I had this conversation with Dan, the powerlifting coach, I said said, bro, what's it take to deadlift 300? And he's like bro, if you can deadlift 250 10 times, you probably pull 300. And he's like until you do that, don't even fucking think about it. I'm like done, okay, right. And he's like well, there you go. You know that's. It was like very clearly stated. It's not, it's. I mean, obviously it's different lifting weights. But it's like when you're walking around and like there's like a fucking 10 guys in the gym all pulling 300 plus kilos fuck, how do you fucking? It's a, it's a head fuck, but it's it's. I think it is great when the coach just says hey, please do this. Yeah, and I don't think there's anything wrong with just um asking what are your expectations? I think that's really I had that conversation with my coach when I was at Purple Belt and another guy I've spoken about, bean, who was at Purple Belt.
Speaker 1:We were kind of Strongest Purple Belt ever Allegedly Bullshit. So fucking strong I call bullshit. Jt cannot let that go away. It's amazing. I will hold it forever. Joey said. Joey's like bean is the strongest guy I have ever rolled, ever lies. Could probably there can only be one, me and him. We're gonna have a sword fight and cut off his head. But but I heard he lives in perth now.
Speaker 1:He got graded to black belt. He went from purple to black belt fucking wild story right. But he, he got graded straight to and he called me and he's like and I was off the gym at the time because we just opened the junk and he's like bro, fuck, coach, came in my black belts. I'm like what he's like? I know, dude, I don't even know what to think of it. And I'm like oh, my god and anyway, whatever. Like was shocked, happy for him and for myself was like fuck. Like I didn't even get a brown belt. Like I mean, I wasn't training right at the time but I didn't go to the grading or whatever it was.
Speaker 1:It happened one night, but I remember saying my coach like, hey, you know, what do you, what do you want to see from me to get to this thing? And I can't even remember what the coach said. It was bullshit. But you know, I've been in that situation, right, and you know, I think that was an example of a belt that was given for other means. Sure, Right, I think. Do you think he wanted Ben to coach? I think so. I think he wanted to step away from the gym and he wanted people. He wanted someone who could put in at the top right and um and I don't say any of that to take away from my boy the achievement because he could smash all the black belts. He's a weapon. Yeah, he was of that level.
Speaker 1:But you're just like, if you're taking someone on this journey, why would you skip a step like that? Yeah, you just go, I'm going to give you a brown belt and then in 12 months I'm going to give you a black belt, you know, anyways. But yeah, it happens, right, the shit comes up and so and you feel like the Ryan Holiday inside of you is like no, I won't say anything because I'm good with it, it's fine External, you know, and it's like External validation doesn't matter. Yeah, maybe, but maybe that fucking feeling grows into a lot of resentment and then maybe that's the cause of you leaving the gym, and then maybe that's the cause of you not finding a new gym for 12 months, and now it's three years before you get back into a groove and have a new relationship with a coach who's like considering grading you, yeah, whereas if you just go and have that fucking awkward conversation, you can squash it.
Speaker 1:Then and there, definitely there it is. Folks, you got passed over. But there is a silver lining, and I think there's definitely. Even if you don't get the external acknowledgement, knowing you're good enough is good enough. We love you guys, and in order to receive the love back, we would like you to please like, subscribe and follow. We appreciate it. And if you're listening to this on an audio platform, give us a five-star rating. Appreciate y'all.
