The Harsh Truth Of Kids BJJ

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Transcript

Why Kids Jiu-Jitsu Appeals

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You've decided you want to take your kid to jujitsu, but there's a few things you should think about before you go and enrol them in your nearest academy. Now, we all know jujitsu's heart. It's the hardest thing going around. You want to have your kid, you know, getting their fingers in on that pie or some shit. But, you know, not all academies are created the same, and there's a lot of diversity amongst them. So I've recently enrolled my son in jujitsu, which has been a great point of pride for me and and and enjoyment. You know, I get to go and watch him. I didn't go this week, but uh most weeks I take him there and I get to watch him and it's awesome. And I know the guys at the gym and they're real cool, and it's it's a nice little thing, you know. I get to sort of whatever, hang out at jujitsu, but I get to watch him do the thing, you know? So good. And uh I have conversations with parents, and um, and I mean you would have this as well, whereby you have conversations just with parents generally where they're like, Oh, you do jujitsu, I want to get my kid into it. What do you suggest?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Yeah, well, my my uh good mate Shannon and also Simone, their sons are doing jujitsu. So last time I was in Melbourne, I got to go and witness the madness.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Did you did you kind of like like was it kind of nice and novel for you to go? Oh yeah, it was awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

I was it was like I felt very proud, even though I had no claim or stake in it. Um yeah, it was it was amazing. Uh it was great to see good jujitsu coaches, great jujitsu coaches, uh kids coaches specifically, do a great job of managing many different chaotic elements, which is kids class to a T. It's crazy town sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

It's fucking hectic. Yeah. It's hectic. And I guess I guess like first thing to mention is that like most of all of the kids' classes that I've ever seen, which is like, you know, sometimes you'll go to an open mat and they'll be finishing up a kid's class or something before, or you know, whatever that situation where you're taking a friends. Yeah, all of the kids' classes I've seen are usually awesome. Like I'm usually quite blown away at like, fuck, this is sick. I'd love my kid to do this, you know? And so in that regard, uh, this is, you know, chances are that where you take them is going to be pretty good. Um, but I do think there's a couple of things

What Kind Of Parent Are You

SPEAKER_01 2:10

you want to think about before you launch into it. Now, um, there's a couple of different types of parents we're looking at here. One parent is like the grappling parent, which is like us, our listeners, you people for the most part. But there might even be some people listening to this that don't do jujitsu, that just heard jujitsu was awesome, and they want their kid to do it, right? And so I I'm kind of gonna speak to both a little bit because I think it's important. And I think an episode like this probably does connect with some people who have never heard our podcast before, which, if it's your first time, welcome. You're in a special place. Um, so the first thing is you want to have a good think about what it is that you want your kid to get from the jujitsu. Now, for a lot of our counterparts, right, you meet other grapplers, and uh oftentimes when uh when one grappler goes and gets their kid enrolled in jiu-jitsu, all they want is for their kid to be a fucking savage on the weapon. There and it's all and you you you meet those parents often, don't you, where they're like, mate, I'm not, you know, I'm not making the same mistake my parents made by not getting me into jujitsu, so my fucking daughter is gonna start when she's you know, whatever, yeah, three, and you know, and that's it, and she's gone all the way to black belt, you know, and you're like, okay, okay, I get it. Like you feel like you missed an opportunity and you don't want your child to miss that. That's great. The competitive parent. The competitive parent, right? And and it's great, like chuck them in there, maybe they will take to it, who knows? Maybe they won't. And so, you know, I I always think it's better to not put all your eggs in one basket in terms of hope, but you know, whatever. But so there's that, there's that thing, right? Where you want your kid to become really good at jujitsu. Yes. Now, speaking from my personal experience, I don't really care about that. Like, I've never, I don't really care about that for my son. And I think it's because I know I don't know. I'm like, he's got he's got heaps of years to go and try different things.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

There's Joey on one side of the arena being like, good work, Leo. Me being like, double leg that blonde kid to the ground now. Believe what I say, Excalibur. Excalibur Tomlinson, you represent this family well, Excalibur.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

We just call him ex. You have to call your fucking kid Excalibur, whether it's a boy or a girl. I actually just made that up.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah, who knows? It's gender neutral.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Hey, it's you know what it means. But but you know, I um like I didn't take the shit up until I was like what, 25 or something. Yeah, I didn't start same. Yeah, didn't start doing that. So I'm like, if he doesn't do it, you know, whatever. Like there's heaps of time, right? Yep. Um, then you've got the parent that's like, oh, I've heard jujitsu's awesome, and um, I, you know, I think martial arts are really great, and uh, I would like them to do some, you know, kind of not really thinking too much about. And then you've probably also got a cant that's like, I want my kid to be in an environment where there's structure and discipline and respect and blah, blah, blah. Now, I hadn't really thought through any of that too much before I'd taken my son, but I took him to the nearest gym that I knew that I had trained at, right? And liked the guys who ran it and owned it. And like I liked

The Gym Vibe Check

SPEAKER_01 5:30

the coaches there. I had a good experience. I had friends who trained there and they had their kids there. And I'd spoken to quite a few of those parents and their kids were having a great time. So what I had done, what I had passed there was the vibe check. Yes, the vibe check's important, right? And that, and I think that's probably the first thing is that you want to get a bit of a read on the place to understand do I like the people there? Do I like the culture? Do I like the way the class rolls out? Does it have a good reputation?

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's there's actually something that's kind of probably hits you more on a subconscious level for yourself. Like if you go to a gym and you're like, do I like this place? Like, what is my sense of the place? Whatever it might be, you know, it might not be the instructor, it might just mean you have a chat with um someone else who's there, and you're like, they seem cool, they're cool with this place, like it gives you impression, right? Because there's often subtle things on a on on the way the coach speaks or the way they kind of organise everyone, like it it it it is its own form of communication and uh teaching with well, it's kind of more subtle than the techniques they're showing, right? So I think, yeah, definitely you think, all right, I've got my impressionable young son. I you know, I I I want him to um uh absorb uh sounds a bit woo-woo, but like a positive energy, like a a good vibe. For sure. That's what it's all about.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

That's right. And and um I mean to that point, right? You you are putting them in the hand, like you're giving them over for someone else to lead them. You like I I couldn't imagine doing that, giving them over to someone that I didn't have respect for. Of course, right? Like you have to have respect for the person that's gonna be leading a child because it's

Stay Present And Supportive

SPEAKER_01 7:20

all a trust. A lot of trust, a lot of influence, right? All that stuff. So so you know, most of that is is if you're a half-engaged parent, you you probably there's some ring it in parents, man.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

They just they bring the kids, they literally get them on the mat and they just fuck off. And you're like, really? Like, that's I don't know. I'm I see that, and I'm not just saying jujitsu, I see this at soccer practices, basketball. You just see those parents who are like, right, this is a form of daycare at whatever age, I'm gonna go do whatever else. And it's like, I don't know. My my parents, I I'm so grateful my parents sat for tedious hours in basketball stadiums or whatever, and they just fucking sat there. We didn't have smartphones back then. No, I mean they had books, of course, but but I'm just saying, like I can think back to just looking across. It doesn't mean that my they were like cheering me on or encourage like that, but they were there. They could look across there there, and that it that does a lot for you subconsciously from a support level, right? You know they're there. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

And and I mean I I feel exactly the same. I I do have a bit more, I've probably got a little bit more um understanding these days because because I know there's some parents that had a lot to do. Well, they got like fucking three kids and they're all doing activities five days a week. And so sometimes it just gets like, I'm dropping you off and then I'm taking this one, you know. But but yeah, as much as you can, right? Be involved. So I think where like what goes good with that, with the with you know, that sort of vibe check piece is go like tell your kid, hey, you know, like I'm assuming you're asking them if they want to go and that they agree to give it a try or whatever. And you know, you don't tell them, hey, I'm signing you up to this thing. It's like, hey, we're gonna go do this, we're gonna go check this class out, we're gonna have a look at this thing. It's called jujitsu. And then you go there and then you watch and you sit on the side and you watch, and you just watch how the class takes place, you watch how the coach deals with the kids, you you know, you what you maybe chat with some other parents. Like, we were fortunate enough to have that for like, I don't know, a few weeks because um Leo wouldn't do the fucking class. I'm like, I'm like, I'm mate, I'm like, mate, okay, we've been here a couple times now. Um, and you've put the ghee on. What do you reckon you jump on and do the class? No, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm staying with you, Dad. Fuck, you know, and the and like and the instructors, like the the the assistant coach is like, come on, Leo, mate, come on, you know, like they're really nice, trying to like, come on, come on, you love this drummer, and he's like, No, crying or whatever, and you're just like, fuck, come on, man. But but you get this chance to get it together, Leah. Right, yeah, like there's a part of me that just wanted to be that dad, you know, yeah, mate. Fucking be like, no, man, I'm fucking, I'm a modern guy, I'm progressive. I understand, son. Gentle thing, mate. I understand. But so um I risk I can respect it, it's fine. So, you know, through that process, we got to do the vibe check. And also, we're in the game. I'm you know, so I I I already know a lot about the place and the people there. So if you're a parent listening to this and you don't do jujitsu and you're not familiar with the thing, go and sit and watch and get to know some people and chat, and that's best you and then probably talk to some parents at school, get the vibe check that way.

Goals Beyond Winning And Skills

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Now, I think the greater point though is once you've sort of signed off on, yeah, that gym looks good, or maybe you tried a few and like they all look pretty good, you know, kind of thing, is like, what do you want your kid to get out of it? Like I said earlier on, I don't really care if my son gets excellent at jujitsu or not while he's five. Like, I'm like, whatever. The thing I want him to get, I want him to get some kind of structure, and I want him to be in an environment that uh encourages discipline and encourages focus and encourages a bit of hard work and presents challenges to him and basically like gives him a dose of all these things that he's not really gonna get, you know. He might get a little bit of all those things from me or from school, but you know, in that concentrated way that only a martial arts can give.

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SPEAKER_01 11:22

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SPEAKER_00 11:59

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SPEAKER_01 13:03

And if I think about it in that way, I'm like, I

Keep It Fun Or They Quit

SPEAKER_01 13:05

actually don't care. If they were teaching fucking Aikido, I'm like, I'm up for it. You know, it just works well because I do jujitsu too, and you know. Sure, yeah. Um, what's your take on that?

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Well, no, no, I no, I'm with you, man. Excalibur. What's what's Excalibur? I just made that up, to be honest. I was thinking more like Thunder Tomlinson, TT.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

You know, uh you know, so have you ever heard of this dog trainer Cesar Milan? You've ever seen South Park did a thing on him, yeah. But he has a thing where he's like, if you whatever you name your dog, that is what the dog becomes. And usually the the most, and you take what you want from this, yeah. The heart like the dogs that he has the hardest times with always have names like El Diablo. Or fuck it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Yeah, so call your kid thunder anyway, go on. No, but that's what I'm saying, like um, ends up with really bad digestive issues. No, I think it's like one of those things that you do you do live into your name in a way because you're it is said to you more than anything else. It's very and you interpret it as you will, you know, you could interpret it in a positive way or a negative way. Look, when it comes to um kids training, you know, I have seen, you know, this is more there's part of me that wants to be like a Tiger Woods-esque father, like Green Beret, you will putt before you can walk type, you know, that but but also I think a huge lesson for me witnessing um some huge potential in in a sport, specifically taekwondo, but also basketball, someone who you would consider who's going to be a superstar, uh kind of flaming out, like just losing interest before they had uh reached their potential. And it occurred to me, having not had the potential of either of those individuals, um, both of them named Chris, actually, one of them, um both of them I trained with. One was a training partner in Taekwondo, who was the best, absolutely the best, like silver medalist at at the world junior worlds, actually knocked the Korean kid out in the final, but it was in Korea, so they kind of woke the Korean kid up and like this should have been over. But he kicked the kid's head off. He went anyway. Chris should have gone to the Olympics. He he should have been Australia's best of all time. And he hit 18 and he found girls and beers and donuts and just didn't care anymore. And I was like, what? You but you're the best, man. I'm nowhere near as good as you, and I still want this thing, you know? Like now I'm the fucking best at beers. Yeah, he and he was also and he was you know, and I think that's the hardest thing. Like your intention for your kids is one thing, but I think them enjoying it is the hard and you you that's really all you could do is like I I think as a parent saying as someone not not with kids, but an uncle of of of of of kids who who do jujitsu, uh for you to spoil their experience by trying to inject competitiveness or like force them or like if it's not self-motivated, if they're not having fun, they're just gonna stop at some point, you know, because only you can only give it so much energy to keep them going, because if you left it to their own devices, maybe they just wouldn't, you know?

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

So I I my take is that if it's a fun environment and you can find a way to facilitate the fun, then the future will be the future.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a really good take. And I mean, you think about it, right? Like you think about how many people we know who have taken jujitsu up as an adult, and some of them do it for a little bit and get really good or not, and then they stop, and then some of them continue, and then some stop, and then they come back to it. And you it's just it's just whatever, right? And it's like it's like learning an instrument, you know. Like I played the piano as a kid for a bunch of years and then just fucking hated it, and then now I've taken up the guitar and like that, you know, and I'm like, surely it was connected to that process all those years ago. So yeah, I think like I think fun is a huge part of it, and not putting too much stress on it either way, right? One of my friends, Justin, had a has a great sort of outlook with his kids. He's got two sons, I think, but he's like, they don't have to do jujitsu. He's a he's he's he's quite a handy grappler himself, but he's like um they just have to do something hard, right? He said, I don't care what it is, it's just what once or twice a week, it's got to be something hard. And he's a rugby league guy, so you know, could be that, could be fucking, you know, athletics, whatever, right? Gymnastics. So in any case, yeah, I think um, I think figuring out what you want

Pick A Program That Fits

SPEAKER_01 17:35

for them, I think like it's probably so just on that, would you change the school?

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Like, I'm not saying literally, but like in a hypothetical situation, if you had more of an intent for your son to become an athlete, you would look to go towards a program that had more like child competitors, or do you know what I mean? Like it would that would change your decision, you think? I would think so.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Yeah, I would think, I mean, maybe, maybe not in the very beginning, you know, but but maybe after six months, twelve months, they're having a good time, they want to go, they go a couple of times a week. Yeah, if you really wanted them to be competitive with it, you might lean towards a gym that is really like you know, big on competition, right? And some gyms are, it's just like in in the adult thing, it's like there's there's young killers out there and there's gyms that want to foster those young killers and do as many comps as they can, and you know, um, and of course, like every gym, like every kid's from what I can tell, every gym that has a kids program enters local competitions, right? That's a part of kids' jiu-jitsu. Um, but it's probably like, like, say with the class that that Leo goes to, you know, they spend a significant amount of time talking about what are good manners.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Nice.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

This is what a good handshake looks like. Always look people like shit like that. That is not jujitsu, right? And I and I'm like, oh, I love this shit. I'm like, this is great. This is because I wouldn't talk, I wouldn't really talk to him like this. So I'm stoked that he can get that sort of coaching here. But if you wanted, like if I wanted him to be a killer, I'd be like, yo, stop talking about the handshakes, teach him an arm bar. You know what I mean? They've reached for the handshake, falling armbars. That's right. And so, and and I have spoken to friends of mine that are like, fuck, you know, I got my kid at this gym and it's good and everything, but I just I need them to be rolling more, I want them to have more hard rounds. So there is that thing, right, of like figuring it out what it is you want them to get, and then you know, matching

Discipline Lessons From Taekwondo

SPEAKER_01 19:40

that to the gym.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

For me, uh, I think I got a lot from doing Taekwondo, which was related to discipline and self-confidence. Like, I wasn't a confident kid, I didn't like speaking in front of people, and I was not disciplined at all, not not at all, and that all came from doing that martial art, and it gave me like a lot of other things like flexibility and athleticism, and like it developed me in a lot of ways, like you know, I couldn't do one push-up, and now I had to do 20. And it's like, no, you're gonna do 20. Like, you're gonna do this until you can do it. And I'd never really had anyone talk to me like that before, and I was like, oh shit. And because you don't have I think your dad's sitting in the back, fuck yes. No, my dad was at work. Okay, my mum. No, my mum was my mum was marking homework. Like, no, no, I think it it it's what we underestimate, and I think it's probably similar to like a personal trainer, right? It's actually not bad for provided, you know, obviously you trust the environment to allow another adult to like we're you know, we we send our kids to school, right, to learn certain lessons. And without being too presumptuous, I think we all understand that any martial arts situation requires your kid will have to probably sit still and listen at some point in time, even if they that's not their inclination, they want to run around. And it is good to hear that from someone who's not you because then the kids are like, oh, okay, that's what we do here. And then that filters through. And I think a lot of I think a lot of parents are like, wow, this martial arts shit works. You know, like it's it's kind of like going to the gym. You go to the gym and you do something as an adult, but then that hard work or that discomfort translates to you having more self-control and better behavior in other parts of your life. Yeah. So it's that little that little coach. Yeah. You get a PT or something. Yeah, and that those lessons filter in and you just start, it's it's almost like reprogramming in a way, but in a in a more subtle way. Yeah. I I I think. And so, man, I think it's like it's really uh but uh we should go to your your next point about like parents in jujitsu, um, which is the try before you buy type action.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Oh yeah. That's a good point though. That's cool though about what you got from Taekwondo, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Like Yeah, but I mean I would just not be who I am without that. And even though I would have wished I had found jujitsu at a young age, finding Taekwondo, it was just the local school. It was at my primary school, it was in the school hall. Yeah. Like it's similar. It's like you just you just do the thing that's close to you, and and my exposure to that, it it revolutionized, it revolutionized my life. Like I just wouldn't be where I am today having not had that. Wow, that's cool. Yeah, that's

Parents Should Try Training Too

SPEAKER_00 22:33

very cool.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Um, yeah, I think probably the probably like the kind of the last point I'd make on this is that, and this is not for the grapplers, this is for the new listeners, those who don't do jujitsu themselves, more than likely. Um, you need to dip your toes in to understand a little bit of jujitsu, just so that you can know what the journey is like that your kid's gonna be on. Yeah. And like some gyms are really cool. They offer like parents and kids classes. Yeah. You can go along on a whatever fucking Saturday morning and you can like train together and you know, something like that. Or maybe you can you know, maybe you can tell the coach, like, hey, I'd like to just do a couple classes just to like fucking get a feel for this thing. Like, I'm not gonna sign up, you know, I'm not that person. I you might become that person.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

I had a guy reach out and say, I got my daughter into jujitsu and she started getting really good, but then she started like jumping on me and like doing shit, getting on me, and I didn't know what to do. And um so he has started jujitsu because he doesn't want his daughter to be like his eight-year-old daughter to arm bar him. Perfect. Because he's like, I don't, I don't know what to do. Yeah, like I want I want to play wrestle, but I I I think she's gonna break my arm. You know, like he wrote me, he wrote me this whole essay. I was like, wow, that's it's it's really cool that um I actually think that is more the modern experience that more parents are getting into jujitsu because they got their kids into it. Yeah. And I think it's a beautiful thing to be able to, it doesn't matter if you it's really your passion, but having that thing in common, that shared experience is is uh you know, it's bonding. It's a it's a cool thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

It is, right? Like particularly, yeah, particularly like just the whole like being able to exchange, like wrestle with them in that way. It's it's super profound, I think, um, for your for both of your kind of like for your relationship, right? And so like we kind of when you have kids, you will you will do that and you know, and I'd I'd do it and you take it for granted, right? Because we wrestle.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

But if you're a parent that doesn't have the do-the contact thing, there's it's it's a yeah, there's there's something you miss out on something there, right? So in any case, go and do a little bit because what you don't want is that your kid is exposed to this awesome mad new thing, and they're like getting super excited with it and you know, the developing and evolving on this journey, and then they're coming home and telling you about it, and you just don't fucking get it. And you're like, oh, it's cool, yeah. This karate, you know, in your head, it's like you're doing this karate thing or whatever, and it's like you're totally underselling it, and but probably because you're kind of underselling it yourself, they're probably not gonna stick with it for as long, you know, like it's gonna devalue it a little bit for them. So the best thing is if you can just get a little bit of an understanding of it, dip your toes in a little, that's gonna give them the kind of feeling that you, you know, you're gonna be able to talk to them as someone who kind of gets it.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

And I think that that's super important because you want them to go there to get something out of it, and you know, that doesn't just come because you pay the membership fee and drop them off, of course. Right? It's like you gotta you gotta have some skin in the game too.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

And I think uh so there was a there was a great documentary. Uh

Citizen First Champion Second

SPEAKER_00 25:42

I actually don't know who made it, it was uh all about um GF team uh back in it's like when Hodolfo Viera, Hodolfo Vieira was kind of peak, and some of it's black and white, and um the reason I pulled out my phone before is it's uh Julio Cesar Pereira was the head is the head coach, and he says something which I remember I've watched it a couple times because it hit really hard. Um every time I'm like, oh right, that's cool. He said the role of jujitsu is to create the citizen. Only then can you create the champion. That's the that's a that's the second factor thing. You must first become a good citizen. And you know, a lot of the GF team guys are like, you know, they're pretty poor, you know, and that's they fight so hard. And you know, they I I think it it really struck me because I was a big fan of Hodolfo and I got to see him compete live and I was just like blown away. But it was this core philosophy, even though they had a really intense competitor team, there was this kind of martial way at the at the heart of that. And um when you see because people were scared of Hodolfo because he was so fierce as a competitor, but when you see him wrestling with like young kids or like a a girl who's like way smaller than him, he's very playful, and he's you know, like it's I think speaking to that point about like what do you want for your kid, I think that that's um a good gym will do probably do both, right? It'll it will help your child develop as a person, but also it will give them the opportunity to go go that kind of path of being a competitor.

Final Push To Start

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Yeah, I absolutely agree. Yeah, I think a good spot can totally do it all. Yeah. Hey, good spot to wrap it. Um, shout out to all the fucking cool gyms doing cool kids programs. You guys are awesome. And uh, you know, if you want to get your kid into jujitsu, do it. You might be changing their life just like this guy had when you went to that first taekwondo class.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Mate, makes a big difference. Can definitely recommend it.